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Contact Information: |
John A. Kline, PhD
PO Box 522
Troy, AL 36081
(334) 670-3389
john@klinespeak.com |
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 August
2005
Restoring Broken
Trust: A Six Step Process
One of the most
important ingredients in any relationship is trust.
Without it, marriages fail, friendships disintegrate, and
workplace productivity and satisfaction suffer.
Trust means
confidence, dependence, and reliance; it is the belief you won’t be
harmed even when vulnerable. But
what if trust is broken? How
is it restored? Once
violated, the road back may be difficult, but not necessarily
impossible. The victim may be slow to trust the one who was guilty of
violating trust. Here is what must happen.
 | First, the guilty party must
acknowledge a violation of trust has occurred.
Both parties know it; there is no use denying it.
Denial only prolongs reconciliation and possibly prevents it
from ever occurring. |
| Second, determine from the
victim’s perspective, the exact nature and cause of the violation.
In other words, the one who violated the trust must determine
exactly how the victim feels about it. |
| Third,
guilty parties must admit they damaged trust.
Admission is the key to starting down the road to recovery
for both parties. |
| Fourth,
the guilty party must accept responsibility for the violation.
Denial prevents reconciliation. |
| Fifth,
the guilty party should offer to make reparations. However—and
this is very important—the victim must not make demands. Forgiveness is forgiveness.
Demanding reparations prevents healing, negates the
forgiveness, and prevents trust. |
| Sixth,
together the two parties must create a mechanism to prevent it from
happening again. In other words they must talk about it, understand how
it happened, and not let it happen again. |
Obviously, trust
should never be broken; but if it is, a speedy application of the six
step process is the best chance for a restored relationship. |
John Kline
Montgomery, Alabama
john@klinespeak.com
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